I remember growing up being a hopeless romantic, fantasizing and dreaming about that one special person. That person who was created just for me. The person most suitable for me.
Is there such a thing as “The One”?
Personally, there isn’t “The One for Eternity,” but there is “The One… at that moment in time.”
I think we can all agree that The One is someone that fits us in every way. Their values, interests, looks and personality match ours in every imaginable way.
From the title, it is assumed that you might think there is such a thing as “The One.”
With that said… let’s question that notion.
1) How do you know he or she is The One?
Ah, the most loaded question ever asked.
But seriously though, how can you tell?
By the way they make you feel?
Is there a machine you can test with to verify 100% that he or she is The One?
You can’t and where’s the lifetime warranty that he or she will not change as a person when they get older? – There isn’t.
The only way to find out is to commit. As long as you both are happy together and as individuals, you passed the test, the rest is up to your effort to stay in love and be loyal to one another.
Falling in love is easy. Staying in love is the hard part.
2) Suppose he or she is The One, can you be very certain?
Let’s do a thought experiment.
The entire idea about The One is that there is one particular person created just for you and suits you best.
But what are the parameters?
The most suitable person in your neighbourhood? Your city? Your state? Your country? Your continent? THE WORLD?
Some as us are super certain they have found The One, only to realize that a few years later, they found someone better.
Unless the world stopped having kids, and that you were able to interview every single one of the 7 billion plus people over the age of majority, you can’t say for certain that you have found The One.
But the world doesn’t stop having kids and you haven’t met all 7 billion plus people either, where’s your sample pool now?
Let’s say John & Jane got married at age 25.
One day after their marriage, a girl was born on the other side of the earth. John & Jane are 55 now.
John doesn’t feel that Jane is The One anymore. Her priorities and values changed after raising 3 kids.
John, at his office, met the girl who is now 30.
She’s the new management trainee.
In his mind, at that time, her interests, values, looks and personality matched everything on what John was looking for.
See where I am getting here?
I always ask people this question:
“What is it about them that you fell in love with?”
They then list the things.
Let’s say it was their looks, how smart they are and how funny they are.
I then ask:
“So, what if 3 years from now, you meet someone even better looking, even more smart and even more funny, would you still stick with your choice?”
This gets them usually.
Because the rational and selfish part of us will always think about what’s best for me.
If one comes across a better option, they will just switch.
And that is the whole reason this article was written.
If you go on a lifelong search for The One, you will be disappointed.
It is statistically impossible to find The One.
The choice is simple:
A) meet someone you love to be around with and that you both can grow happy and healthily together and put in the effort to stay in love; OR
B) have the mindset that love is supposed to effortless forever and constantly look for the next person in a lifelong quest.